connectionz

2011-01-05T22:38:00.002-08:00

2011-01-05T22:38:00.001-08:00

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Not in this fucking lifetime.

2010-09-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

To the scruffy haired man on the power assist bicycle:

"Thank you, it's nice to be admired."

There are defining moments in life.

"Did she say yes?"
"You're hired."
"It's a boy."

They come in the natural order of things, rites of aging, milestones of maturity.

Markers that let you and everyone you know the gravity of the accomplish, the significance of the risk taken, the sincerity of joy interlacing the pain of desire.

To be striven for; they are a life's work.

BUT then, there are other moments of definition. Instants, where your true nature is shown.

Fractions of a second where stimulus from the outside world triggers a question, "Go or don't go."

And the answer is no less than the sum calculation of everything that you've been through up until that moment.

Who you are defines what you do and what you do defines who you are and for me that question came today.

As it flashed through my head, "you've never been passed by another cyclist on a solo Friday afternoon commute home, and you sure as shit aren't going to start now", I was already in motion.

Before I got to the profanity.

Before I understood what force had passed me by as I turned onto Johnson Street from State.

Before I could make out the scruffy haired scientist working on the prototype power assist rear wheel.

Before I even took another ujjayi breath, my legs began to pump thunder and my eyes bleed lightning and a single thought silenced all others:

"Not in this fucking lifetime."

Pedals turned, eye contact was made and before he could alter the course of inevitability I was passing him.

"Damn you're fast", is what he said, almost as if he had goaded me into the chase and the catch... just to see if I could do it. It was like poking a raptor with a stick just to see him eat the stick and you along with it.

As I flew down Johnson Street a glow of accomplishment surrounded everything in the blustery world.

I did it.

Life called on me and in a moment, I was engaged using every ounce of training, every drop of strength. Squeezing muscle, overriding pain, galloping over concrete and asphalt. Doing what I love. Today I was racing.

I defined who I am today...

And it turns out it's a guy that won't let a god damn bike with an engine pass him on the way home from work. I'm with Fabian on this one; man over machine.

And as for getting passed on the way home, I can still say: "Not in this fucking lifetime."

Fin.

www.sundaysmackdown.com

Peace

2010-08-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Be proud of far you have come.

Be proud of the change.

Believe in yourself.

You are beautiful, deserving of life, of chances at happiness.

Be proud of the challenge, learn from the temptation. Understand yourself.

Be always better, stronger, note your success.

Sleep soundly, rest is important. Worry does nothing.

Make a list in the morning, you'll be alright.

Self Immolation

2010-08-05T13:58:00.001-07:00

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2314/2537444822_35b5e36a03_o.jpg

There comes a time,

when you have to set torch to tinder and begin to blaze.

Music hums while embers fade.

Change: Without it something sleeps inside of us

2010-08-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

I stared down a child today.

I battled his will and I won.

Some creatures are cobras. They exist in the world to maintain balance, Order...

-www.orsm.net

He was in my way. In fact he was specifically blocking my path. He was the business end of a blockade demanding that I dismount and bend to their will, for they would say, it was for my own good.

He had an entire community behind him, supporting this act of enforcement.

Shouts of encouragement, signs written and posted supporting his cause.

The entire weight of the reasonable universe stood behind him, against me, blocking my path.

He saw the world, he saw his position as righteous, he stood his ground.

And as the point came and the moment for action was at hand, I won.

The child folded, unwillingly, slowly perhaps even painfully as he let me pass.

Shouts of absolution for his action followed, cackles of indictment and indignation for my forcing him down.

Poor example, renegade, bad seed.

"That's the type of man I warned you about..."

And, I think that boy will remember that day. When the bully on the bicycle asked him to slide over and let him pass. Etched in his memory.

"Rules are made to be broken champ. One day you'll be presented with a similar choice and I hope you can show the same resolve again you showed to me and know that when it's right inside to change everything you will overcome that person that blocks your way."

-steve